I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
