me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
