My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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