you win again, gameday.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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