I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
