Your face is a jimmy john
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
