we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
