The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
