oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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