Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
