so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
