She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
