I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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