It was confusing and full of hummus
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
