I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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