Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
