Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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