His hands were made for my vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
