Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This house was built for laser tag.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
