My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
