this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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