you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
