Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
