it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
