i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We have started to decorate penises.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
