She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
