It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
