Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
