i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
