Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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