I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
