I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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