He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize