Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize