i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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