To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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