her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize