dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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