she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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