WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
