i will never coherently bang her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
