I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
