Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
