Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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