she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
