I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
