Pants 0. Shit 1.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
