We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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