Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
