Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
