are you still at the devil's house?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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