Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
