She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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