Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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