Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
