You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
