im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
