I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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