The maid of honor just puked.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its about making memories worth repressing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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