In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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