thus making me awesome and them whores
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
