i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
