imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
