went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Welp...herpes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize