I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
