I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
