Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
