You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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