Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
