I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
