Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
