You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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