I think I died a long time ago.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
